By Jai Stringer, Co-Founder of the Sacred Motherhood Blueprint.
My personal definition of Conscious Conception: “The intention to call forth life onto this this earth, into a mother’s womb with the loving intent, consent and support of the father. To agree as partners, to acknowledge the responsibility of caring for that life unconditionally in all ways and forever. To do this as a partnership with united hearts and some type of connection to the Divine, Great Spirit, Creator, the Goddess… or whomever you connect with as a spiritual guide.”
My husband and I fell in Love instantaneously. It was a beautiful merging of heart & Spirit. We shared many of the same dreams: having children & raising them with love, living close to the earth and growing our food organically. To this day many people probably look at us as having a magically flawless existence where one thing after another falls into place with ease and grace. Honestly they’d be wrong. Our relationship thrives because our unconditional love for one another is the space we return to when we feel challenged. Over our 18 years together we have learned to co-operatively work to find creative solutions to the variety of life experiences we encounter.
One of the first things we tried to do together was to conceive a child. The very first time we made love we set that intention ahead of time and took special care to call forth our child. I was 23 years old, a vibrant healthy yogini who’d never been pregnant before. My partner, now husband, was a year older then me, a hard working permaculturalist. We felt that we were brought together to bring our child into the world. We kept trying and trying. Initially it was very fun and exciting and then over time it became frustrating, though the optimism of youth kept us inspired. Sometimes nothing happened. Several times I had very intense cramping and heavy bleeding indicating early miscarriage.
At the time, I believed only in natural medicine- studying Ayurveda, Polarity Therapy and Yoga Therapy. I stayed active thru yoga, swimming, hiking and gardening. We exclusively ate organic foods which were preferably grown in our abundant gardens or on the permaculture farm we lived at. We began practicing Ayurvedic panchakarmas to gently cleanse our bodies. We meditated. Fasted on Sundays. Ate simple, easily digested meals. We limited sweets and dairy products. We walked on the earth barefoot as a regular practice as well as swam in waterfalls and the ocean.
Honestly the thought of seeing a fertility specialist never crossed my mind. In 2001-2002 I did not want or have access to the Internet and this story pre-dates smart phones. However, I did turn to my community. Much advice, as well as books recommended by seasoned mothers was offered to me. I learned to I kept track of my cycle (which tended to go longer then the usual 28-34 days) and tried to better determine ovulation by monitoring my temperature with a basal body thermometer. Fast forward through 2 years of failed attempts.
My vegetable gardens had multiplied and were thriving. My partner and I had surrendered and accepted that what was meant to be would be. We did not want to push our agenda onto our child’s Divine timing. We enjoyed those years of quiet focus.
And then it happened! I was finally pregnant and thrilled! We prayed and sang and embraced every moment of the experience. I took excellent care of myself the very best I knew how. Unfortunately at 17 weeks, I miscarried- actually it was more like I went into labor. It started with some light bleeding that got heavier and more consistent and then the contractions started. It was probably about 4 hours before my premature stillborn baby slipped from my body. I was devastated. I had never spoken with another women who actually miscarried never mind at 17 weeks.
My mother was not very comforting, she just couldn’t relate, apparently women in our family “didn’t miscarry.” She was very sad for us. My friends were getting pregnant left and right sometimes with men they hardly knew, birthing perfectly healthy babies or choosing abortion. I felt alone. I felt unable to relate to anybody or anything. It was scary. I couldn’t shake this looming feeling that I had done something wrong.
My partner was amazingly calm and patient with me. Life went on. At times I wanted to give up (on becoming pregnant) because it seemed easier. I enrolled in massage school, which was entertaining, yet not my dream. I felt very detached.
We had tried so many different rituals to invoke the Spirit of our child, inviting her manifestation into our loving home. We said prayers at waterfalls made offerings, wrapped rocks in ti leaves, and offered the prayed-over precious crystals into the waters of some of the places that are most sacred to us. We waited.
On a cloudless moonlit night we wrote down all our intentions basically why we wanted to create life, nurture life, learn and grow from the blessed miracle we intended to produce through our union. We buried those intentions, lit a fire in our outdoor hearth and made love under the stars. It was simple, sweet love making- at climax I looked up at the sky and saw a light beam in the form of a shooting star coming toward me and I absolutely knew that my daughter had found me, accepted us as her parents and would thrive within my womb. I cried like I am crying right now. My partner thought there was something wrong but they were tears of joy, of knowing, of gratitude.
Conception was our greatest struggle and our greatest accomplishment woven together, which created the beginning our family tapestry. Nahele, my eldest daughter, 15 years old now, was my initiation into motherhood. What a strong-willed vibrant blessing she has been for us.
I went on to have more early (at 8-10 weeks) miscarriages. I also went on to birth two more healthy children. Our second daughter was conceived when Nahele was 15 months old- we had lovingly called forth another child from the time our first was 6 months old. My 3rd child, our son, was prayed for at our marriage ceremony about 10 years ago and conceived very soon after. We enjoy sharing the story of our intense love and telling our children about how they were prayed for and conceived with great intention.
I believe our story gives light to the truth that life is our most precious gift and that from Love miracles manifest.
Jai Stringer is the co-founder, co-facilitator and co-author of the Sacred Motherhood Blueprint’s course offering. She has been a mother for 15 years and is is devoted to raising her family in a holistic and conscious way. Inter-weaving her studies in Ayurveda, Yoga, Herbalism, Aromatherapy and bio-intensive farming into self care and the care of her family and community. She formulates organic small batch body care products from plants she cultivates at her farm on Maui. Check out her products at mauiblessedorganics.com.